gratitude

Thank you. There has been such an outpouring of family and community support during this incredibly mysterious time. It has been impossible for me to keep up with thanking every person and honoring each gesture or responding to each phone call, letter, text message, and email. Please be patient with us, and please know each and every aspect of you reaching out and offering yourselves, skills, meals, love, etc. is our anchor right now and is deeply felt and known. Life has been full tilt and my energy begins to wane with baby here any moment. Basically we both (our whole family) are eternally grateful for everything that you all have provided. Please know as the months unfold our response will hopefully be more adequate and appropriate, the thank you cards more consistent, and the connection won't be so one-sided. I know you understand it is just something that circulates between Phil and I on a daily basis, the lack of us expressing our gratitude thoroughly or enough. Phil is very concerned about this but cannot do this himself at this point and I honestly have not been able to keep up.

My friend and I were talking about how in other European countries the government would take better care of a disabled family with a child on the way. So far it has been a pretty big battle with mountains upon mountains of work here in the U.S. So far not much success on our end. I have faith that if I keep trying and persisting this will hopefully change course. Also, we've been mostly immersed in the western medical model (of which I have thanks for as well -- it saved Phil's life initialy) the deeper healing comes from the world outside of the hospital walls. Each funny piece of artwork, drive to a rehab appointment, massage for Phil, nourishing meal are what is healing his brain and cells. There isn't a "cure" for his circumstance but there is healing in a myriad of creative ways.

Our community and family are what keep us afloat on a daily basis. Your love and effort is the silver lining on the cloud of our recent misfortune. Your support restores my faith on a daily basis. Your embrace is composed of the arms that hold us through this trust fall of life. The phone messages, donations, letters, benefit concerts, flute auctions, craft creations, emails, cards, artwork, and creativity keep me going -- I cannot express my gratitude enough (and I know Phil would too if he could).

This photo above was taken in Hardiwar, India. We set this tiny leaf boat afloat on the Ganges River as an offering for our possible baby-to-be last April. It is filled with flowers, candles, and wishes. We watched as it joined the hundreds of other candle-lit leaf boats floated down to the nightly puja where thousands of pilgrims joined for music and devotion. Many pilgrims save money their entire life to participate in this gathering -- arriving bone thin, wearing nothing but thread-bare clothing, shawls, and bare feet. We learned so much from that journey.

More on Phil and the baby soon...